Silence, Spirals, and the Prayer That Stopped Them

Yesterday I embarked on a day of silence as part of a retreat for this program I’m doing called the mentorship with the rose and the sword.

I spent so much time beforehand creating my environment...setting it all up the way I thought would be “just right” for a full day of silence. Meditation, reflection, deep prayer. Honoring the rose part of the rosary, not so much in the Catholic sense, though a little bit in the Catholic sense, but more about really understanding prayer, and connecting with the divine sacred feminine, the softness the rose carries.

I rented a room on Vashon Island, right on the water. I had my paddleboard, my tea, and I felt ready to drop into nature and silence. As the morning unfolded, though, the house I was staying in was full of other travelers...lots of cool, energy-healer types who totally understood and supported what I was doing, which felt good. But there were also kids running in and out. And the neighbor, classic summer-home energy, was yelling at his kids about screen time, sports, blasting a power washer on his boat and deck.

So there I was, sitting in silence on a microdose, spinning in stories: This isn’t right. I should be at home cleaning. I should be getting my kids ready for school. What am I even doing here? The spiral got loud.

I went inside, poured a cup of rose tea, and sat in deep prayer. Basically pleading: please, make this stop. Please help me stop these stories. I know better than this. I know I am strong. I know I have a beautiful life, beautiful kids, friends, community, so much to be grateful for.

And just like that! It stopped. Almost miraculously, the prayer worked.

In that moment, I turned to the rosary. I don’t use a crucifix. Maybe I never will again, but I’ve made my own with chimes at the bottom that hold meaning for me. I prayed the rosary the way I did as a child in Catholic school. This time, though, I heard the words. Not just Catholic words, but ancient ones...older than any one tradition.

The Our Father felt like Creator, Father Sky, Universe. The Hail Mary felt like Mother Earth, the life cycle of birth, death, and rebirth. “Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil” was literally what I had just walked through: the temptation of my shadow stories, the “evil” of my own thoughts working against my higher good.

I also began repeating my own prayer: I trust my mind. I trust my body. I trust my heart. Because I am divinely, soulfully led.

I said it over and over until it became a loop. Like the rosary itself. A new neural pathway. A practice.

So now I wonder...where is prayer in your life? Maybe you don’t call it prayer. Maybe it’s a mantra, an affirmation, a saying. But how do you use it? Do you call on it daily? Can you reach for it in those moments of panic, sadness, or anxiety?

What I learned yesterday is that the universe is right there...ready and willing to help...if only we ask. 🌹

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