From Numbing to Knowing: A Punk Rock Homecoming

Last night I went to see some punk rock bands play, and one of the bands was my old friend’s band from high school. It was beautiful to witness. I have had this thought a few times recently, but last night it really landed. There is something so raw about punk rock. The music, the people, the energy of bodies coming together. The ritual of watching artists pour their craft into a room. Punk rock has always embodied this feeling of dissonance and anger and rage and frustration. When you put all of that together and display it in front of a group of people who dance it out and scream it out and jump around and shake their fists and push each other, it becomes something sacred. It reminded me of a sacred rage ritual.

I got chills as I realized that this is the true spirit of punk rock. It took me right back to my teenage years when I went to so many shows. I remember the feeling of being understood. The feeling of being different in a world that did not always get me. I carried so much rage and anger, and punk shows gave me a place where it was safe to be exactly who I was and to let it out.

I also reflected on how early I started numbing myself. First with alcohol and later with other substances. Fast forward to who I am today, and the healing I have done, and I can see the little girl in me who wanted so badly to be included and to fit in and not to be crushed by the anxiety I felt in social situations. Substances helped me feel confident and loosen my inhibitions. They made me feel like I belonged. They gave me a false sense of ease. But over time, I lost the sacred rage ceremony that punk had always been for me. I lost the spirit of what brought me to those shows in the first place. It stopped being about belonging as I am and became more about proving that I was not that anxious and scared girl. The spirit of alcohol and other substances gave me that false confidence, but it stripped away the authenticity of what live music meant to me. I forgot that it was a place where I once transmuted my anger into something powerful.

At the show last night, my friend made an announcement before his set about why his band exists. The band is called Quitting Time. He talked about how many people are at a quitting point. Quitting their jobs, quitting substances, quitting their life in all the ways people quit on themselves. He talked about how much we need community. How much we need to hold each other, lift each other, show up for one another. I could feel the sincerity behind his words because they came from a place of sobriety. I thought about how many of my friends now are sober and how many are no longer with us. It landed in a very real way.

I wanted to share all of this because I keep feeling this connection between punk rock, sacred rage, and the way we gather together. There is something so beautiful about people coming together to feel something real. And there is something so necessary about acknowledging our collective struggles with substances. It matters. It matters for our own healing, and it matters for the world we are building.

I am so grateful for my microdosing practice and for the work I do with people who want a more mindful relationship with substances like alcohol. Microdosing can be a powerful support for people who want to reduce or eliminate their drinking because it builds the self-awareness that so many of us try to numb. It helps loosen the barriers we have built inside. For me, the barrier was anxiety in social situations. And the full circle moment last night was realizing that I was sober at the show, and I was not anxious at all. I had a genuinely good time, and I was able to channel these reflections with so much clarity.

I hope more people find their way to this kind of self-awareness. I hope more people find their own path to healing their relationship with substances. There are spirits behind the things we consume, and when we are in right alignment, the rituals we participate in become powerful again. Punk shows have always been a sacred rage ceremony, and when we show up with clarity and presence, they can be even more transformative.

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